


Don't Wanna Write This Song

by tvcrazed



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Aftermath of tragedy, Alternate Universe, Grief, Grieving, Kara sings her feelings, Mentions of Death, Music, Past Supercorp, Song - Freeform, Song: Don't Wanna Write This Song, SuperCorp, Youtuber!Kara, musician!Kara, past death, you may need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23523760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvcrazed/pseuds/tvcrazed
Summary: Youtuber!Kara posts a new video after being away for a while.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 19
Kudos: 93





	Don't Wanna Write This Song

**Author's Note:**

> I'm apologizing in advance for this. My first Supercorp fic and I do this. Sorry. You can yell at me on twitter @tvcrazed.  
> Also I tried to tag this best as I could so definitely check those.
> 
> Song used is Don't Wanna Write This Song by Brett Young

****

**Don't Wanna Write This Song**

Kara groans in her sleep as light sneaks through the blinds and white curtains. Turning over to her other side, her hand slaps the cold sheets. Her brow furrows and her nose scrunches at the realization that she’s alone. 

“Lena,” Kara mumbles. 

Her hand travels up to the pillow at the top of the bed and she pulls it close. She snuggles into the covers further as she inhales the scent of the pillow. 

Her eyes pop open. She sits upright. She throws the pillow away. 

She rushes to the bathroom. Scans the vanity. Nothing.

She scrambles to the dresser. Her eye scan the top of the dresser. Nothing. 

She pulls the first draw open. And frantically moves the clothes around. Nothing. 

She opens the next draw and searches. Nothing.

Kara scrubs away the tears she feels making their way down her face. Her bare feet slip on the floor as she races to the walk-in closet. She scans the shelves and lets out a watery laugh when she finds it. 

A perfume box.

She tears open the box to pull the perfume bottle out. It slips from her hands and shatters. Glass and liquid spread across the walk-in closet floor. She blinks at it. And then -

“Aaargh!” she gives a strangled yell as she throws the box to the other side of the closet.

“Kara?” Alex calls loudly from the front of the apartment. 

Kara hears her sister’s rushed footfalls getting closer but she stares at the perfume bottle’s remains. 

Alex stops short in the doorway. There’s glass everywhere and the floor is wet. Her sister is sobbing with her arms crossed over her body. “Kara,” Alex says gently and slowly, “what happened?”

Kara doesn’t answer.

“Kara? Can you hear me?”

“Alex,” Kara cries, “I can’t -“ Kara gasps for air.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Look at me, Kara,” Alex demands and doesn’t continue until her sister does, “It’s okay. I’m coming over, okay?”

Kara’s sobbing lessens as Alex makes her way over to her. The glass scrunching under the heel of her boots.

Alex takes Kara’s face in her hands and lifts her head. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Kara.”

“It doesn’t smell like her anymore. And I just - but I dropped the bottle and she’s gone, Alex,” Kara ends with a cry.

Alex pulls Kara in for a hug. “I know, honey, I’m so sorry.” Alex holds her sister until her shoulders stop shaking. “Can you move now?” she asks.

Kara just nods. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Kar. I’m here for you. You’re not alone, okay?”

Kara nods. “I know.”

Alex turns her back to Kara and bends down. “Good. Now, hop on.”

“What?” Kara says skeptically.

“How else are you going to get out of here with all this glass. Get on my back.”

“Alex, I’m taller than you.”

“Yes, I know. You never let me forget it.”

“It’s going to be awkward.”

“Come on, our food is getting cold.”

“Alright,”

“I knew the food would get you,” Alex smirks.

“You better not fall or drop me.”

“Come on.”

Kara hops on the redhead’s back and they make their way over the glass and into the bedroom without incident.

“See? Easy. Let’s go eat.”

Kara follows Alex to the kitchen. One place setting is set up at the island — a plate of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Kara just sits in front of the plate while Alex stands on the other side of the island.

Alex sighs. “Kara, you have to eat.”

“Alex —“

“No. I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer. Try.”

“I don’t want to."

“I don’t care.You need to take care of yourself.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit.”

Kara glares at her sister.

“You think I don’t know that you barely sleep and you’re not eating? Is this what she —

“Don’t,” Kara demands harshly.

Alex walks around the island. She sits on the stool beside her sister. Alex takes Kara’s hands in her own.

“Kara, I know this is hard. It’s hard for me, so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you. And I’m not saying you need to get over it or stop grieving or move on with your life. It’s all still fresh. But what I _am_ saying is that the way you’re going now is not healthy and it has to change. I can help you. I want to help you. Just tell me what you need.”

Kara’s eyes fill with tears. “You can’t give me what I need,” Kara whispers.

Alex nods in understanding. She stands and wraps Kara into another hug — her arms cradling Kara’s head as Kara’s wrap around Alex’s waist.

Alex leans down to Kara’s ear. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was her perfume,” Kara says suddenly. “The last bottle. Her pillow - it didn’t smell like her anymore. I had the bottle right in my hand and I dropped it.” Tears leak out of Kara’s eyes as she squeezes her sister tighter.

Alex holds the blonde for a few minutes in silence. It hurts her to see her baby sister hurting so much.

“Have you been writing?”

“Not in the mood.”

“I think it would be good for you.”

“Alex, I don’t think —"

“You need to express your feelings, Kar. And you do that best in song. Write about it. Post about it.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Okay. But you need to express your feelings somehow. Think about it. Promise me?”

Kara nods.

“Good,” Alex says. "You can think about it while you eat and I clean up back there,” she gestures to the bedroom. She squeezes Kara one more time before she heads down the hall.

Kara watches her go. She looks around her living room and sees her keyboard and guitar against the wall. She stares at them a moment before she turns and picks at her food.

* * *

Kara sits on the opposite wall from her keyboard and guitar. She remembers Lena’s promise of getting them a baby grand piano when they got their first house. A notebook sits on the floor in front of her. A page filled with writing and scribbles and cross-outs.

Alex had left a few hours ago after cleaning the liquid and glass from the floor in the master closet. And Kara has been sitting in this spot with her notebook since five minutes after the door closed behind her sister.

She didn’t think she would be able to write anything when Alex suggested it, but as soon as her pen hit her paper she was off and running. One obstacle down. She had decided she was going to share this. The only thing stopping her now was actually moving from the floor to sit at her keyboard. And it had been stopping her for an hour now.

Kara takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. And then another.

She stands. Step one done.

Another breath. And she moves to the keyboard.

She runs her fingers over the keys.

* * *

**Supergirl Danvers** has uploaded a new video:

“Hey guys,” Kara starts. “I know it’s been longer than usual, but things haven’t been that great around here. Actually, they’ve been absolutely awful. I’ve been awful. And not at all up to posting, or playing, or writing for that matter. But I pushed myself to do it today and —.” Kara clears her throat. "If you’ve been around my channel awhile, you know Lena was the one who encouraged me to start this. To put my music out into the world. To let it speak for me and for others who couldn’t quite figure out the mess a brain can be sometimes. And of course, it was a brilliant idea. A life changing one — just like meeting her. So, I’ll let the music speak for me this time too.”

Kara turns to her keyboard and plays the slow intro. Then, she sings.

_There's a dress in the closet, that I just can't throw away  
I know it might sound crazy, but I haven't changed your pillowcase  
A heart half full, or half empty  
Is half gone either way, with you gone  
What went wrong?  
_

_Maybe the hardest part  
Is we didn't break this heart  
Nobody cheated or lied  
I still have to live with goodbye  
But how can I just move on?  
I've loved you for way too long  
I don't want to admit that you're gone  
I don't wanna write this song  
Don't wanna write this song_

_Another glass of whiskey, by your picture in a frame  
I'm playin' all the black keys and cryin' out your name  
I'm holdin' on, or lettin' go  
It's gonna kill me either way  
With you gone  
Oh_

_Maybe the hardest part  
Is we didn't break this heart  
Nobody cheated or lied  
I still have to live with goodbye  
But how can I just move on?  
I've loved you for way too long  
I don't want to admit that you're gone  
I don't wanna write this song  
Don't wanna write this song_

_Bobby pins on the dresser  
Wilted flowers in a vase  
I left a rose on your headstone  
I never quite know what to say_

_Oh maybe the hardest part  
Is we didn't break this heart  
Nobody cheated or lied  
I still have to live with goodbye  
But how can I just move on?  
I've loved you for way too long  
Don't want to admit that you're gone  
I don't wanna write this song  
No, don't wanna write this song  
I don't wanna write this song  
Mmm, don't wanna write this song, whoa_

Kara takes a deep breath as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. She clears her throat before looking into the camera.

“So, guys, I don’t know when I’ll put up a new video. But I’m not giving up on this. Lena wouldn’t want that.” She nods her head as if in confirmation. “Bye.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry again guys. Again, I tried to tag this as best as I could. If you can think of other helpful tags let me know.
> 
> Leave a kudos (kudo?) if you liked it and want to. Leave a comment if you want. You can even hit me up on twitter - @tvcrazed if you want.
> 
> Stay safe and well,  
> TVCrazed :)


End file.
